Happy Halloween - November goal setting and NaNoWriMo

Happy Halloween!

It's the last day of October, and I just got back from a brisk 5 a.m. walk with the dog. That's been my usual morning routing since we moved in to the new place a little over a month ago, though it hasn't always been that early. I've been slowly getting used to waking up earlier, and I'm finally just about where I want to be, which is up at 4:30 a.m. and back to the writing desk, butt in seat, by 5 a.m. I'm planning on taking advantage of tonight's clock roll back to get me there. That extra hour should make tomorrow's wakeup a lot easier.

It helps that I've committed to getting to bed by around nine every night. I've shifted my whole schedule earlier slowly to accommodate the earlier wake up and bed times, and I think I'm ready to make the full adjustment. I know it won't be perfect, but I'm going to do my best to stick to the following schedule for November:

4:30 a.m. - Wakeup

4:35-5:00 - Walk the Dog

5:00-7:00 - Writing

7:00-7:30 - Exercise

7:30-8:00 - Breakfast

8:00-8:30 - Get ready for work

8:30 a.m. -6:00 p.m. - Work

6:00-8:00 - Dinner and relax

8:00-8:45 - Blog

8:45-9:00 - Walk the dog

9:00 p.m.  - Bed time

The work schedule is typically going to be Monday - Saturday, Saturday's hours are flexible depending on our weekend plans. If we are doing something that prevents me from working Saturday at all, I'll likely stay out later each week night and cut into the relax time. In any case, I'll never work past 8 p.m. because that will sabotage my getting to bed on time, which is crucial to the whole thing working long term.

Sundays, replace the work time with whatever we do with out day. I'll also try to get some extra writing in every Sunday. Two hours a day times seven days is fourteen hours, so if I get at least an extra hour in every Sunday, that's at least 15 hours a week of writing. That' a solid place to start, and in my mind it is part time job status. Add in another 5 hours of blogging, and we are at 20 hours of working on my writing career.

Very occasionally, we may have plans that keep me up past 9 p.m. I'll try to keep that to a minimum, reserved for special occasions and such. In those cases, I'll still get up at 4:30 a.m. the next day.

Without a disciplined schedule, the whole thing falls apart. I'm hoping to get through November and December without too many interruptions and screw ups to this, so that it is pretty much just what I do when January rolls around.

As far as writing, November always tempts me with NaNoWriMo. I'm not giving into temptation this year, though I am using it as a motivating guideline. Writing two hours a day should put me in the neighborhood of 1500-2000 words, which is the NaNo pace if I do that every day. Hopefully by the end of the month, I'll have at least 50,000 words of fiction written.

I'm not pushing myself for a word count, though. I want to establish a habit of writing every day in the morning, and writing as well as I can. The word count will take care of itself. Pumping out 1667 words a day without attention to quality and content is a terrible way to become a good, working fiction writer. I'm going to try to write good, clean copy the first time out. Not that it won't need some polishing, but I want to make sure I'm writing, not just typing.

Anyway, that's the November plan. I will track the word count every day, and post it here. If it's a zero, I'll post that, too.

I'm going to do my best to end the year strong and build good habits that will carry me into a great and productive 2021.

See you tomorrow.

Election Day thoughts

 Election Day 2020 is four days away here in the U.S.A., and I'm worried. Don't worry, I'm not going to start talking about politics. I want to talk about violence.

I've read a couple of articles in the past few days that indicate there is a growing number of people on all sides who believe that violence would be justified if their candidate doesn't win the election. One report I read on a reputable news site indicated that more than 20% of people polled, both Republican and Democrat, believe that "violence would be justified" if their candidate doesn't win. Another indicates that only 1 in 4 believe there will be a peaceful transition of power.

What the actual fuck?

Like most, I have strong beliefs about a variety of topics. I voted, and I believe that matters. Though the system probably needs updating, it's what we've got right now and, for the most part, it works. It ensures that we have a representative government, and, perhaps most importantly, it ensures that we have a peaceful transition of government.

Peaceful.

One of the greatest things about America, and one of my strongest beliefs about what it means to be American, is that we can argue strongly about just about anything, that we can speak our minds publicly and privately, and in the end we respect each other's right to have differing views. 

We don't have to agree on issues. We don't even have to listen to views we don't agree with, though I try to be open minded and see as many sides of just about everything as I can. I try to understand, even when my own view may skew the other way. I want to know why you believe what you believe, even when I disagree. Especially when I disagree! 

Because sometimes I change my mind. Sometimes I'm misinformed, uneducated about the issue, or just plain wrong. Living in America means I can change my mind. No one gets to tell me what to think. I can agree, disagree, or withhold judgement, as I please. 

It's not like that everywhere. Some places, you have to appear to believe what the government tells you to believe, or else. 

Our freedom to make up our own minds, and to disagree, debate, and take peaceful action to support our views is what makes America a great country to live in. It's not about being the best. It's not about being first, economically, educationally, morally, politically, or in any way you can think of, except one. 

Freedom. First in freedom.

Even on that front, we have some work to do, but the statement stands. And it stands on a system of peaceful transition of government, on respect for each other's right to believe what we want and speak about it as we choose, and to try to change what we don't agree with. Peacefully.

The moment that peace shatters, we've lost that. The moment violence becomes the answer, we lose it all. We cannot condone violence in any form, in any circumstance. Our society and lifestyle, our very identity, depends upon it.

Violence is not the answer.

If you believe strongly that your candidate or party is important, and you are dissatisfied with the election results, (hell, even if you are satisfied!), then take the opportunity as a free American to enact change through peaceful means. Get educated. Get involved. Listen to dissenting opinions, and think about them. Debate. Write. Protest. Sing. Yell. Shout. Make sweet, sweet love. Use your time and energy to help people see your side.

But do it without violence. Do it peacefully.

Otherwise we lose the freedom we pride ourselves on as Americans. We lose our identity. And that is a far greater tragedy than any election result.

Updates and thinking ahead

 Hi. My name is Joe. It's been eight days since my last blog.

It would be easy to look back to the middle of the month when, on October 12th, I said I was starting a blog streak that I hoped would go on for a long, long time and see the past eight days, and the four before that when I didn't blog, as a failure. It would be easy to look back to October 5th, when I started a short story and a goal of writing at least 1000 words of fiction a day, and then consider the sixteen days of the month since when I have written neither fiction nor blog and call the month a total and complete failure.

It's not.

It's October 29th. This month, I've written five blogs. Six if you count this one.

I've managed to write non-blog writing, both fiction and non-fiction, on five days, totaling 5549 words.

That's six blogs and 5549 words more than I wrote last month. Or the month before. Hell, it's five blogs and 5549 more words than I've written all year, I think. I probably started something in January, but I don't remember and have no evidence to support that theory. 

If I did blog, I deleted those blogs out of embarrassment. Out of a feeling of failure. I probably set goals, did not meet them, and erased the evidence that any of it ever happened. 

Looking at this blog, the first posted entry now is from June 5th of this year. Which is sad, since this blog is probably close to a decade old, if not more. I don't know how to check the born on date, and I'm not going to stop writing in the middle of the blog to do so, but there should be a smattering of entries, sometimes for a month or more at a time, sometimes scattered in clusters over the course of years. I'm sure I've posted here over a hundred times. I'd guess it's closer to two-hundred fifty. Maybe more. That's not a lot, when you consider a daily blogging habit, but it's something. And I've erased every bit of it before June 5th of this year. 

That's a shame. There was some good writing in there.

Again, its easy enough to paint all that as failure.

But I'm not going to do that to myself anymore. Not if I can help it, anyway.

Six blogs is a win. It's six more than last month. Same for 5549 words. Same for that post from June that somehow survived my ritual purges. All wins. All improvement over my usual habit of quitting and deleting, of running away and trying to erase my failures. 

It's a mindset shift, and an important one. 

It takes failure to get to success. It takes trying, and failing, to learn what it takes to be successful and eventually reach your goals. My habit of completely restarting has been sabotaging that process. It's one thing to fail, reset, to take a step back, reassess, and get back on the horse. That's a lesson learned. That's a path to success. What I've been doing is restarting, almost completely, and while that has taught me something, (mostly, that it gets me nowhere and feels terrible), it is self-sabotaging in the extreme.

So no more going backward. It's full speed ahead from here on out, and whether the ship is functioning at 100% and going warp speed, or 1% and struggling to get out of the harbor, I'm always going to be moving towards my goals.

So, there are three days left in the month, including today. My goal is to blog all three of those days, write a little fiction all three days, and set my goals for November. 

On the fiction front, I started a story based on a silly idea back on the 5th of this month, and the story is going nowhere fast. It's more of a amusing anecdote. I've been tempted to trash it and move on to something else, but of all the bad writing habits I have, abandoning a story in the middle and trashing it is by far the worst. I could write 5000 words a day for eternity, but if I don't break that habit, I'll never get anywhere. So, whatever it takes, I'm going to finish that story by the end of the month.

If I'm really brave, I might even do a quick revise and send it out. It's high time I started the age old writer's tradition of collecting rejection slips.

Anyway, I'm here. I'm writing. I'm blogging. And I'm embracing small victories. How are you?

See you tomorrow.

I'm still here! A bit about perfection and forgiveness...

 I'm still here. I didn't forget or abandon the blog! I did allow the streak to lapse, which I'm not happy about, but I struggled hard the second half of last week and, instead of continuing to press myself into a stressed out pancake, I took the weekend to reset and get my head right.

I hung out a lot with the babe, went out for a 70th birthday party (babe's aunt), had a couple of glasses of wine and a couple of beers, and tried to stop stressing over every little thing.

As usual, I had tried to do too much all at once, and I had tried to do it perfectly. Nothing is ever perfect, and setting yourself up to do even one thing that way is just asking for trouble. I tried to do a bunch of things, things I don't normally do at all, that way. Sheesh! I can be a moron at times, no doubt.

But this time, instead of quitting or going off the deep end or changing my goals entirely, I forgave myself for being human and got back in gear. I stuck with my goals, but reassessed how well I'd be able to accomplish the daily activities that lead to them right now, fresh out of the gate. I have to be willing to give new habits time to develop and solidify.

Things I was trying to do that I don't normally do (new habits):

    -wake up at 5 a.m.

    -write at least 1000 words of fiction every day

    -blog every day

    -exercise for an hour every day

    -eat at a 1000 calorie deficit to lose weight

    -track all my food in the MyFitnessPal app

    -go to bed earlier

I was trying to add all that to my life, all at once, on top of working ten hours a day most days, and I was trying to do it perfectly.

Like I said. Moron.

So, here's the thing. I'm still trying to do all of those things. Eventually, I'll get there. But for now, I'm taking it a day at a time, allowing myself to adjust, and accepting my imperfection.

Life is hard. Change is so damn hard. But the alternative, continuing to wallow in a place where I was unhappy and wasn't doing what I want with my life, is much, much worse.

I'm going back to the old Alateen days (Alateen is the teenage version of Al-Anon, where people whose lives are affected by alchoholism go to cope. My father was an alchoholic.) I learned a lot of things there that stuck with me, the importance of which I am still realizing every day. One of them was simple.

One day at a time.

I'll probably see you tomorrow.

Four blogs makes a dollar, or something

 I heard if you blog every day, you get better at organizing your thoughts, and it leads you to being more productive. Maybe that was writing in a journal. Is "journaling" a word? Spellcheck seems to think it is. 

As I wrote yesterday, I think all of the habits I'm trying to establish are predicated by the need to wake up earlier and be productive with my mornings before work. I can write, or exercise, or whatever, when I get home from work, but at that point it is a chore. I start feeling like there's never any downtime, and before I know it, I'm either falling asleep or so wired that getting to sleep at a reasonable hour is again night unto impossible.  Neither of those outcomes is desirable.

So, I'm biting the bullet tonight, so to speak, and not writing for the second day in a row. I'm going to relax, try to take my mind off everything for a couple of hours, get some good reading and television in, and get to bed on time. I could probably fall asleep right now if I went to lie down, so it's a good night to reset my schedule, set my alarm early, and get up tomorrow morning come hell or high water.

I have a hard time putting things aside. Too often, it's led to me starting a cycle of forgetting, or blowing things off, particularly writing, and then the whole self-loathing, self-defeating cycle of excuse making, rationalization, and motivation will begin all over again. 

That's not what I'm doing here. At no point will I give up making this all work the way I want it to work. I'm having too much fun writing when I actually do, and I'm already feeling better from eating better, exercising a little, and drinking a ton more water than I have been for months. I'm not going back. I'm going to keep moving forward, bit by struggling bit, until I get where I want to be. 

Anyway, that's enough for now. Off to relax and reset.

See you tomorrow.

Blog the third

Today was a stumble. My alarm went of at 4:45, but I didn't get up. 

The dog had gotten me up to go out at midnight, about two hours into a deep sleep, and we walked for twenty minutes. By the time I got back to bed, I was thinking, so it took me some time to fall back asleep. And I was exhausted. I could feel that special fog of the brain that comes from being overtired, but I still took more than a half hour to get back to sleep.

So, when the alarm went off this morning, my willpower had already been drained away, and I set the alarm for 6:00 and rolled over.

When I did get up, I knew my body needed some rest. I'd gotten off to a good start with exercise this week, but I'm no spring chicken, and I'm carrying around an extra forty-five pounds, so I don't exactly recover quickly from anything, much less exercise when I haven't done any in a while. I decided to make it a light day and just walk the dog and do some stretching. 

I don't know if those two things set the tone for the day, but the rest of the day sure snowballed away from discipline. Not that it was a terrible day, but at the end of it now, I feel unsatisfied. The biggest hole is the writing. I didn't get it done today, and I'm not going to stay up the extra hour and do it right now. That would just be throwing the baby out with the bath water.

Instead, I'm going to keep this fledgling blog streak intact, go read a little, and get a good night sleep. Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up at 6 (not 5, not yet. I'm shooting for 5 by Monday.), write until 7, exercise, shower and eat breakfast. I'm going to get out of the house by 8:45, get gas, and start working by 9. I'm working until 7, coming home, hanging with the babe for a bit, blogging, and getting to bed by 9. Asleep by 9:30, then up at 5:30 Friday. Rinse and repeat. Saturday 5:15 wakeup, Sunday 5:15, Monday 5:00 A.M. sharp. By the end of next week it will be 4:45 and I'll be asleep by 9:15 every night like it's my job.

That's the structure I'm going for. Once I get it locked in, my schedule on most days will be:

4:45 - wakeup

5:00-7:00 - writing

7:00-8:00 - exercise

8:00-8:45 - shower, dress, breakfast

8:45 - leave for work

9:00-7:00 work

7:00-9:15 - hang with babe, write, read, blog

9:15 - sleep

There will be variations. Wednesday is usually date night, so I'll only work til 5 or 6, latest, depending on what time babe gets home. Saturday, similar situation - mornings remain the same, but work is dependent on weekend plans. At the very least, I'll spend Saturday nights out to dinner with the babe. Sundays, mornings are again the same, but I usually don't work, so I have a good day to relax, read, watch television, maybe hang out in the yard.

That's the plan, the goal, and the structure of the life I want right now. It will take me a little while to get it locked in. I will stumble. I'm only human, and I've never been a morning person, but the only way I know I'm going to be able to get writing and exercise in every day is to get up early and get them both done first.

Alright, I had more in me than I thought. Now it is time for me to read some Dresden, snuggle up to a warm babe (and interjecting dog), and get some sleep.

Blog streak - 3 days

See you tomorrow.

Blog streak - day #2

 I don't know if two is a streak, but as far a I'm concerned, it counts. You can't have a streak without getting the second day done, after all.

Today was a long day. Woke up at 6:30, got a half hour walk done in the pouring rain with my poor dog, Oscar. We were both drenched when we got home. Oscar hates the rain more than anything but missing a meal. He will not do his business when it's raining, which puts him in a very uncomfortable state. His belly starts to bother him and he gets very grumpy and more emotionally needy than usual, which is saying a lot. 

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to console him. I did some pushups and bodyweight squats, showered, ate breakfast, and sat down to write out my goals for the day. They were more or less the same as yesterday. Then I went to work.

Worked for a little more than ten hours. Came home, ate dinner, and sat down to do some writing.

I managed 1269 words of the short story I'm writing. I'm having fun with it, though I have a ton of self doubt about the quality. I haven't written anything in almost a year, so that's only natural. Even the blog last night felt forced and clunky, though that was probably due to how tired I was. I really just wanted to get to sleep.

I'm a little better tonight. It's almost 9:30. I'm planning on being up tomorrow at 5 a.m. I want to transition my writing and exercise to the morning before work so that I don't feel so much pressure in the evenings. If I can get those two things done in the morning, I'm much less likely to break the streaks and quit on myself. If I keep leaving them until the evening, it's only a matter of time until my will breaks down and I put one or both off until I'm too tired to get them done, and then I'll be struggling to start a whole new streak. Plus, there are evenings when I have plans with the babe or with friends, and those will certainly eliminate any chance I have of writing and exercising. So, as much as I resist it, early mornings must become a part of my routine.

The good things is, I have had pretty good creative success in the mornings when I've tried this in the past. I find that, when I'm writing regularly, I can write pretty much any time of day, so long as I'm not over tired.

So, day two of reshaping my routine is in the books. I'm going to walk the dog now, do a little light exercise, and then see if I can keep my eyes open long enough to read a chapter or two of the latest Harry Dresden novel, "Battle Ground," by Jim Butcher.

See you tomorrow.

Starting a streak

 It's been a while since I've posted anything. I've been busy. Moving and adjusting to a new job has taken quite a bit of time an energy, and the shape of my life has gotten both simpler and more satisfying. I'm still sorting things out, but we've been in the new place for a couple of weeks now, and I've started thinking about things other than moving and working, and the stress I've been under for the last six months or so has eased a great deal.

Which leads me back here, after all. 

Actually, it leads me to goal setting and scheduling my time, which are two things I haven't had time, energy, or patience for since the beginning of the year. It's nice to be getting back to it, and having a clear head and being able to see the forest and the trees is a nice change to the general state of things.

So, here I am, back at the keyboard at the end of a long, productive day. 

I woke up at six, walked the dog for a half hour in the rain, ate breakfast, and sat down to write down my goals for the day. They were:

-60 minutes of exercise

-1000 words of new fiction

-1750 calorie limit, tracked, along with at least 100 ounces of water

-at least 10 hours or $200 from Ubering

-a new blog entry

I managed to get all of that done, with this blog being the final task of the day. Those goals are more or less the daily goals I've set for myself for the next month, except Sundays, when I won't be Ubering. I'm trying to get into a routine that makes me feel good, accomplishes what I need to each day, and helps me finally start taking real steps towards becoming a full-time fiction writer.

The rest of the week, I'll explain the changes I've made to put me firmly on the path, beginning with a big and terrifying career change back in July. 

For now, though, I just want to say hello. This is the first day and first blog of what I hope will be a very long streak of daily blogging, writing, exercise, eating well, and living a life I've wanted, but lacked the conviction to pursue, for a very long time.

Welcome back to the blog. See you tomorrow.