I'm still here! A bit about perfection and forgiveness...

 I'm still here. I didn't forget or abandon the blog! I did allow the streak to lapse, which I'm not happy about, but I struggled hard the second half of last week and, instead of continuing to press myself into a stressed out pancake, I took the weekend to reset and get my head right.

I hung out a lot with the babe, went out for a 70th birthday party (babe's aunt), had a couple of glasses of wine and a couple of beers, and tried to stop stressing over every little thing.

As usual, I had tried to do too much all at once, and I had tried to do it perfectly. Nothing is ever perfect, and setting yourself up to do even one thing that way is just asking for trouble. I tried to do a bunch of things, things I don't normally do at all, that way. Sheesh! I can be a moron at times, no doubt.

But this time, instead of quitting or going off the deep end or changing my goals entirely, I forgave myself for being human and got back in gear. I stuck with my goals, but reassessed how well I'd be able to accomplish the daily activities that lead to them right now, fresh out of the gate. I have to be willing to give new habits time to develop and solidify.

Things I was trying to do that I don't normally do (new habits):

    -wake up at 5 a.m.

    -write at least 1000 words of fiction every day

    -blog every day

    -exercise for an hour every day

    -eat at a 1000 calorie deficit to lose weight

    -track all my food in the MyFitnessPal app

    -go to bed earlier

I was trying to add all that to my life, all at once, on top of working ten hours a day most days, and I was trying to do it perfectly.

Like I said. Moron.

So, here's the thing. I'm still trying to do all of those things. Eventually, I'll get there. But for now, I'm taking it a day at a time, allowing myself to adjust, and accepting my imperfection.

Life is hard. Change is so damn hard. But the alternative, continuing to wallow in a place where I was unhappy and wasn't doing what I want with my life, is much, much worse.

I'm going back to the old Alateen days (Alateen is the teenage version of Al-Anon, where people whose lives are affected by alchoholism go to cope. My father was an alchoholic.) I learned a lot of things there that stuck with me, the importance of which I am still realizing every day. One of them was simple.

One day at a time.

I'll probably see you tomorrow.